Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 4, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the fourth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'MW' – Mark Watson *'DM' – David Mitchell Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear On a Driving Test FB: When I slap the dashboard with my forehead, I'd like you to crawl out of the wreckage and fetch help. HD: OK, when I give you the signal, I want you to wind the window down and call the cyclist a wanker! RH: Right, five pounds for a pensioner. Good. FB: My stumps don't reach the pedals! RH: Stella? DM: Well, if you'd just like to pull into the lay-by, we can complete the oral part of the test. RH: Right, when I say "go", foot down, straight ''through Jeweller's, get what you can. FB: You made one mistake sir: a pine air freshener doesn't cover up the smell of a dead hitchiker. DM: Well...if she doesn't get up, you've ''definitely failed. HD: Well, at least we know the air bags work. AP: George Michael? You've passed! FB: If I fail, can I still keep driving my taxi? MW: Me, in a car. Can't believe it! FB: On the signal, I'd like you to mount the pavement and kill my ex-wife. RH: Grab the wheel. (As if leaning out the window) PIIIIIIIIIIGS! ...Left here. FB: There are two ways you can pass: you can spend two hours driving around Norwich, or you can suck on this. What The Queen Didn't Say In Her Christmas Message HD: ...What the f''uck are you staring at?!? RH: So if you're bored around Christmas time, here's what I like to do. Peel a satsuma so it looks like a wang! FB: Edward stuffed a turkey this year. He seemed to be awfully good at it... AP: Lord Stevens had it wrong: I ''did ''have her killed! HD: Are ''you paying too much for your car insurance? FB: It's been good to spend some time with my family. And Harry. MW: (After not being able to do an impression of the Queen): Hello, I'm here with some token blacks! HD: (Wiping his lips, as if he's just eaten something): Yum, yum! I've just eaten a swan! DM: It's time like these that make me think of those less...oh, fuck it. HD: (As Prince Charles): Yes...it's not her, it's me. And she's perfectly safe. As long as you do everything ''I say. AP: I've just had four portions of christmas puddings, and I'm so stuffed...I've just touched cloth. RH: Well, what a year it's been. This year, what did we do--Teabagging! Did that for the first time. (garbles)...like that... FB: HA! You changed the channel and I'm still here, fuckers! HD: I've just had my traditional Christmas roast. Philip at the front... RH: (In a quiet tone): Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually an elf! FB: I've had a few medical problems this year; I'm now so old...that my pussy is ''haunted. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See